To Facebook or not to Facebook?

I finally joined Facebook after months of deliberation. After all it is my job to be up to speed on things like this. The basis for my resistance centred around comments such as: I don't have enough time for another form of social media, it's only for the kids and it's only for sados who don't have friends in the real world. Fortunately I was pleasantly surprised on all counts. Although some things I did find strange.

When I first joined it immediately worried me that anyone who seeked out my profile at this very minute would think I was short of mates since I last met them. Therefore you have to frantically add friends and even steal others who you can tenuously claim as your own. Once you have a healthy list, ideally larger than an ex-girlfriend's, the amount of time required on Facebook reduces.

Whilst there are loads of people I would like to get back in contact with, there are a few who I would quite happily keep as a distant memory. I had a bad experience with Friends Reunited when I stupidly left my mobile number on it. The result of which was a number of random phone calls from people I vaguely remember going to school with, let alone talking to. One of which was from a guy who told me he was up on a manslaughter charge. Fancy a pint? Did I bollocks! They were horribly awkward conversations I didn't want to repeat.

I also didn't and still don't understand ex-girlfriend protocol. Is it OK to 'poke' your ex-girlfriends and see if they bite? I'm worried that my current girlfriend, who isn't on Facebook will take it the wrong way if I tell her I have been poking Amy on my lunch break, even though I haven't actually seen her since we did PE in our pants together.

Whilst it is great to upload photos from nights out and have conversations with your mates, the thing I like about Facebook is that it's like having a fight with a midget and keeping him, or her, I must remain PC, at arms length. It allows you to keep in 'just enough touch' with people you won't phone every week, but would like to know how they are doing from time to time. There are 100s of other neat little features that to be honest make up a fantastic social network. Thumbs up to Facebook. Thumbs down however to the 'Don't tell my mum I'm in advertising, she thinks I play the piano in a brothel' group. You can only join it if you work in London apparently. I don't want to be your friend anyway, I've got other friends now so nerggghhh.